Myself and I
by MewSmash
Summary: A one-shot told from Allen's perspective. Tells about him and Rio's breakup, his mental issues, and other topics. Safe for T, but leaving it at that. Also, content is way better than summary.


The light beamed through the window at approximately six-thirty two.

Which, of course meant that my best friend Rod was up, busting into people's houses and waking them.

"Wake up, Al! Guess what day it is!"

My door clattered open, and sure enough, Rod was there. No offense, but his fashion sense was a little off. Nothing like mine. I mean, when you only have confidence in your work and your looks, how do you go through life without bragging a little?

He flew into my room, goggles strapped tightly to his forehead.

"Rod,with a man as fabulous as myself, I need beauty sleep." I meant it sarcastically, yet from the deflated expression on Rod's face, I guess it hadn't come out that way.

"Yeesh, somebody needs to give you an attitude lift." "Oh, and your roots are showing, Mr. Emo."

I practically screamed, yet I clamped my hand over my mouth to stop it. Yes, your mentally ill hairstylist had jet black hair. Just like the rest of my family. When I left, I had done everything to forget it all.

Forget that my father left because of my disease. I needed checkups and almost constant attention.

Oh,you wish to know about my illness. Figures, I am a little bit interesting.

I have a mental disorder. Call me a psycho. A joke. A demon. Everyone else does. I have the Witch's Curse(a dramatic name for a correspondingly dramatic victim). It makes you unable to convey sarcasm and jokes correctly. For years, I had marveled over Rod. How perfectly he could speak. How, when he made jokes, people laughed.

They didn't call him a soulless devil. I had three people in life.

Rod, was obviously the first. Something about him, his casual attitude, made me comfortable. People were less cruel when they saw that I had one friend.

My mother,flighty as she was, had stayed by me in times where my father had left. Where my sister was so vengeful against me, she refused to speak to me.

And, my girlfriend, Rio. She was nowhere near as supportive as the other two. She had always referred to me as her hyper-possessive boyfriend. Whether I approved of that title was debatable. I didn't want to lose the only non-family female who cared if I was on this planet. She was my princess.

I thought she was. But,something was missing. The relationship was not true. It never had been. Needy for love, I had said yes out of pure desperation. Love was what my heart needed. When we kissed, momentarily, I was free. I could speak clearly. Nothing was making me sound sarcastic or sadistic.

"Allen. Need to talk."

Rio. I shoved Rod into the closet, hiding him under a highly fashionable parka.

"Come in. Don't worry about tripping, I have cleaned this place top to bottom, like any gentleman should."

I led her up to my room, kicking the closet door shut as I did.

We sat wordless. Our eyes locked, completely absent of the passion and admiration that a relationship should have.I glanced at my nails. Filed neatly . Her hair fell perfectly, her blonde locks full of color and vibrancy.

She started.

"Allen...I can't really put it any other way. This...isn't working. You are way too possessive, and you're always too sadistic. I can't be with you. I won't be your princess. "

My ears burned. I had to resist the urge to sob.

_You are perfect. Wonderful. Handsome._

Whenever I needed to calm down, I pretended to be perfect. It usually worked, but this time, the words kept being replaced.

_You are horrible. ._

Everything I ever wanted to be. Well, everything my father wanted me to be, was crashing and burning. He wanted me to be a lawyer. A doctor. At nine, I found my passion for Hairstyling.

My family thought it was a phase. But, when they realized how serious I was, my father had grown to resent me. He thought my art, my passion in life, was silly and , Good Goddess. I will never forget when he left. Left for a vacation. Never came back.

That happened when I was fifteen and Amelia(my sister) was nineteen. After that, I literally lost my mind. I lashed out my anger on every new person I meant. Between that and my playful teasing being twisted and mangled into insults, it was near impossible to make friends.

My self esteem was non-existant. Few liked my profession, and my personality sickened many. I never wanted to be mean. Never dreamed of being conceited. Never had any respect for myself.

But,people don't respect you unless you respect yourself. So, I made up this lie. The more I liked myself, maybe people would like me. I had a playful personality. I casually called people klutzes or silly with a sarcastic little smile and laugh. Nobody understood my sarcasm. They thought that I genuinely liked to make people hate themselves.

I wouldn't put a single soul, murderer,demon, or sociopath through what I have had. Knowing that you will die unloved and lonely.

And now, that point has been proven.

I guess they were right.

Who could love a self/obsessed, emotionally abusive man who was completely mental?

Unless they knew about my affliction,nobody cared. Rod knew. My family knew.

Rio didn't.

I spoke back up after a drilling silence."I understand. Good luck finding a man as wonderful as me."

The mood in the room was too depressing for me to take. I had to make a joke, punctuated by a laugh that sounded halfway between hysteria and sanity. Rio scowled. With one swift moment, She removed the ring from my finger.

_Rio and Allen. Woven together by the blessed embrace of the Goddess._

What a lie. I gave up believing in the Goddess long ago. Wouldn't she have rescued me from this mental prison?She walked out, a slight quaver to her step.

"I'm so sorry..."

Rod popped back out of the closet, having heard the entire exchange.

I breathed in heavily, but to my surprise, it came out as a sob. Than another. I couldn't hold it back anymore.

"Please leave. I don't want you to see your best friend in this state of mind."

Rod knew better than to argue. He left,giving me a hug as he did.

I needed to start again. To have a new beginning. Maybe I would have the chance.

Dunhill was letting three residents move from here to a little town called Bluebell for a temporary amount of time.

Wiping the tears from my face, I walked outside. The usual whispers.

The usual chants. I had blocked them from mind. I had given up.

I signed the sheet quickly.

Neil, an animal dealer who hated me especially, remarked:

"Hmmm. Looks like Red is moving. Thank the Goddess."

I blushed faintly out of shame. I ran back to the salon.

I dove into bed, not wishing to wake today.

Maybe the people of Bluebell will be kind.

One can only hope, that one day, I have more friends.

More than myself and I, at least.


End file.
